New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
