i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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