Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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