just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
