I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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