Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
