a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
