if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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