How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
