Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
