it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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