Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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