I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
