TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
