guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
