I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
