he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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