I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
