my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
