Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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