You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
