At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
