im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You dont lie about slip and slides
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
