I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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