i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
