someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
