I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
