Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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