"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
