gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
