My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
