theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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