im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
