Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
