An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
