Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
