....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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