Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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