Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I bet he comes in French.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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