He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
