Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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