Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
