i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
