Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She bit a glass in half.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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