she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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