So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
