my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
