Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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