i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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