i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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