Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
