How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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