Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
