Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
