why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
